Check Out The Discovery Of The Jazz Musician & The House Cleaner*
Lorenzo and Jasmine had been married for one year. They hadn’t lived together before they were married, and shortly after their honeymoon, trouble erupted. Four nights a week, Lorenzo played at jazz clubs. Six days a week he practiced with his group. Most of his time was spent with other people. When he came home, he wanted some alone time to compose music or just do his own thing without paying attention to anyone else’s desires.
Jasmine worked six days a week as a house cleaner. She owned her own cleaning business, and when she wasn’t cleaning, she took care of paperwork, managing who had paid, who still needed to be billed, and who was overdue. It was work of almost complete solitude. When she came home, she wanted company. She loved to share how her day was, chat, and go out to concerts, movies, and dinner with her husband.
As you might guess, their at home time became the center of conflict. Lorenzo wanted to spend time alone. Jasmine wanted to spend time together. They tried every way they could think of to fix this clash between their needs – negotiation, compromise, complete surrender to the others desire. But they both ended up feeling resentful toward the other person, and unappreciated, unloved, and unhappy.
When I first explained to Jasmine and Lorenzo that they were right, this problem wasn’t fixable, they looked shocked. They came to me for help, and I was confirming their worst fear: there was no way to fix the problem. When I explained there was a way to live with this problem and make it manageable, they each breathed a sigh of relief. Hope returned.
I helped this lovely couple discover the presence of a hidden rhythm naturally flowing between the desire to be by yourself and the desire to be with others. First, I showed them the wisdom of finding this rhythm inside themselves. Then, I showed them how to take their different rhythms and together, create harmony rather than chaos.
Once they discovered this natural flow between being alone and being together inside of themselves, their at-home time ceased taking the shape of that oh-so-familiar personal fight: ‘It’s either me or you, babe, that has the power here’. Instead, their at-home time shifted into the life-changing experience of expressing their feelings of love and connection for both themselves and for each other with wisdom and balance. What had been a confusing and distressing situation they’d each taken very personally
became just a simple paradox of life that they could now successfully manage.
Most of us are perplexed at first, just like Lorenzo and Jasmine. Our unconscious mind will get confused around opposites, contradictions, and paradox. As you’ve learned, that’s because it only has one option for dealing with these situations (grab one, avoid the other) — and it doesn’t work.
Clarity begins when you start to recognize that the flow of life rests on the tension between polarities – and that means being responsible for balancing your continually shifting needs to be alone and together throughout each day.