What is the sad truth about why some people will never be happy? Is it a given or something that can be changed? Having been in the behavioral change field for over four decades, I’ve had a lot of opportunities to watch how this occurs. Last week I wrote a bit about how to live more consciously with the predicament of being both human and divine. This week I’d like to explore what makes you (or anyone) remain unhappy.
Being asked to live harmoniously in two different dimensions simultaneously is definitely a paradox. How can you be in two places at the same time and participate in both places with proper responses when those responses are the opposite of each other?
- Focus on the future and make it happen VS. focus on the present and let things be as they are.
- Move and go after what you want VS. staying still and being grateful for what you have.
- Heal your wounds from the past VS. embracing your perfection as you are
It’s a predicament that produces anxiety, frustration, and often anger. And any of these can be the deep reason why some people will never be happy. Learning more about EQ will be wonderfully helpful to managing these negative emotions. But that will not free you from the conundrum of being both human and divine.
So What’s The Problem
So in my last post, I promised you some happy news to balance out this dilemma. Here it is:
It’s Not Your Fault That You Can’t Follow Both Guidelines The Way You Think You Should
Well then, if all that weighing of options and anxiety about doing the right thing isn’t your fault, where does the blame go? Since your unconscious mind always likes to place blame, let’s just do it.
You can place blame on this little thing called the ‘Direction Filter’ that’s hard-wired into your brain. It’s what tells your unconscious process whether to go towards something OR away from it. It’s like a light switch. On and off are the only two options. And because it’s hard-wired, you can’t replace it with a dimmer.
And how does this Direction Filter determine the answer to this question – move towards or away from?
With one assessment your mind determines whether what is in front of you is safe or dangerous.
Once the decision is made, you will act accordingly.
Folks who are doing a lot of personal growth work, meditation, contemplation, and other practices are actually starting to redefine for the brain what is safe and what is dangerous. Here’s an excerpt from my book Unflappable: 6-Steps To Staying Happy, Centered & Peaceful No Matter What.
Harnessing Biology’s Prime Directive
“You can’t change this prime directive for survival (moving toward and away). Remember, it’s hard-wired in your brain. But the (Centered 24-7) Six-Step Process skillfully uses the power of this biological drive for survival to send your unconscious mind in a new direction.
Instead of pushing you toward pleasure and away from pain, your unconscious mind gains the additional option of embracing both.
The current choice is either to move away from pain or toward pleasure.
The new choice is
- either move away from setting up what you like against what you dislike because it creates dis-ease—and that is threatening to your survival,
- or move toward embracing both what you like and dislike because it is the optimal way to feel good—and survive.”
Who’s To Blame?
So here’s why some people will never be happy. The culprit here is actually your biology. It’s this direction filter that’s the source of much of the on-going emotional struggle that forces people to feel confused, frustrated, and unhappy. And of course, what is safe and what is dangerous at the physical level is usually obvious.
However, what is safe and what is dangerous at the emotional level is much more complicated. And the answer to the question at this emotional level is driven by your beliefs, values, and the concept you hold of yourself: sweet or sour puss, charming or belligerent, intelligent or uneducated, attractive or repulsive, easy or difficult, happy or sad.
You may resist this kind of categorical pairing of opposites, but after having worked with the unconscious mind for decades, I have watched it consistently behave and believe like a child. Simple and short is how it makes sense of things and then codes them for the brain to use. If you’re not willing to address this situation in some way or another, you could well be one of those people who will never be happy.
Centered 24-7 Hooks Up The Wisdom Of Your Biology & The Wisdom Of Your Discontent
Here’s another little excerpt from my book Unflappable. It points out the exit to this situation pretty clearly via my favorite notion – the wisdom of your discontent.
“The wisdom of your biology (to make sure you survive) can incorporate the wisdom of your discontent (to make sure you are happy, peaceful, and living a workable life). Dr. Bruce Lipton, the creator of The Biology of Perception video, sets the stage.
In his YouTube videos, he explains that genes in all of your cells are programmed to do two things: either grow or protect. The cell can either be in growth mode (moving toward positive signals or nutrients) or in protection mode (moving away from negative signals or toxins).
Yes, that’s right. The whole physical system is set up on an either/or basis, an on/off switch, not a dimmer mechanism (like I mentioned earlier). The more protection the cell determines it needs, the less growth it can make. No matter what, it’s all about survival. Sound familiar?
Your unconscious mind is simply following the patterning of your physical cells.
However, this doesn’t work so well for emotional and psychological survival.
Only being able to move toward the positive and away from the negative isn’t a successful strategy for happiness, peace of mind, and a healthy sense of who you really are. This makes your poor old unconscious mind quite confused.
…Understanding paradox helps you make sense of your suffering, reduce it, and create a workable life.
Your unconscious mind needs a better way … Although your cells may not be designed to both grow and protect simultaneously, you are. This is the magic of human consciousness. And the essence of mystic psychology….”
In my next post, I’ll share some more insights about why some people will never be happy. It’s almost impossible without having this ‘little bit of magic’. It can help you shift your perception of things giving you access to a broader and deeper experience of your conscious awareness, mindfulness, and presence in daily life.
Please feel free to leave a comment below if you like. Until next week, may you be happy, peaceful, and free from suffering.